February 2009
Practicing lawful love
By Jim Walsh

The state of Texas has done us all a great service by spelling out exactly what it means to “solicit a romantic relationship.” With Valentine’s Day just around the corner, we wanted to remind our Faithful Readers to study up on this important skill. So, let’s take a look at 19 T.A.C. 249.14(m)(2).

Are you surprised to hear that there are official administrative regulations that teach us what we are supposed to do with our S.O.s (significant others)? Well, perhaps that is because the regulations take such a negative view of the matter. They are all about educators who solicit a romantic relationship with students. Our state rightly takes a dim view of that sort of activity. But in the process of defining exactly what teachers should not do with a student, it also tells us what we should do with the Right Person.

The regulations tell us that “solicitation of a romantic relationship means deliberate or repeated acts that can be reasonably interpreted as soliciting a relationship characterized by an ardent emotional attachment or pattern of exclusivity.”

Now that is helpful. The Dawg has had the same OTL (One True Love) for more than 35 years now, but we can always use a little helpful advice in the romance department. Based on this official Texas administrative regulation, I have reworded my Valentine’s Day card to make sure that I get my message across in a lawful way. Thus, it reads as follows:

Sweetheart: This card is deliberately intended to convey the message that I am soliciting a relationship with you that is characterized by an ardent emotional attachment. Furthermore, I seek exclusivity in this relationship.

I intend to follow up (the regulation calls for “deliberate or repeated” actions) with a gift of some sort. The attached note will read: I am ardently attached to you, emotionally, and I seek your ardent and exclusive emotional attachment to me.

But the definition is just the beginning. The regulations spell out in detail how one can tell that Party A seeks a romantic relationship with Party B. It includes “statements of love, affection or attraction.” We are instructed to examine the nature, the timing and the extent of the communications. Signs that a romantic relationship is sought would include such things as “inappropriate hugging, kissing or excessive touching.”

Thus, as Valentine’s Day approaches, you should be clear with your S.O.: “I would like to hug you inappropriately” or “I think it would be mutually advantageous to engage in some excessive touching.” These expressions of love, attraction and affection are state approved! If both of you are Texans, you are practically required to follow these guidelines. It’s in the Texas Administrative Code!

We hope you will study these regulations twice. First, study them in your official capacity as a school administrator. These regulations are a serious effort to address a real problem. If you supervise educators, you should make sure that all of them are aware of this rule and how broadly it defines inappropriate behavior between teachers and students. If a teacher crosses the line, these regulations give you a tool to use in your documentation of the problem. Teachers need to understand that our rules do not just prohibit sex with students, they also prohibit all those small steps that are designed or likely to lead to that outcome.

But then you should read the rule again, strictly in your personal capacity. Soliciting a romantic relationship is not always a bad thing. If our mothers and fathers had not solicited romantic relationships with each other, where would we be now? Study these regulations, and go for it. The Dawg wishes all of you an ardent emotional attachment with the Right Person.