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The Law Dawg - unleashed
Throughout the football season, many of the Blusterville Bulldawgs engaged in frequent Tebowing. This is the practice of dropping to one knee and reciting a short prayer of gratitude. Tim Tebow does this so regularly that his name has become a verb. The co-captains, two seniors and good Christian boys, decided that Tebowing should not be restricted to the football field. Why not Tebow after acing a test? How about Tebowing in the cafeteria to thank God for the good food? And what about when that special girl says yes to the request for the date to the prom — Tebow time! Well, the practice spread. Blusterville High has had more genuflection in the past month than you would see at St. Patrick’s Cathedral at midnight mass. This was all just fine until last week. That is when the football team organized what they called Flash Mob Titanic Tebow Time. Unfortunately, the time they chose was between third and fourth periods, in the school hallway. With kids hustling to get to the next class, all of a sudden 65 kids — football players, cheerleaders, tuba players and assorted friends — dropped to a knee to give thanks to the Almighty. Ms. Downyshanks was the first casualty. This teacher already had been advised that she should not wear those high heels to school anyway, and that she should occasionally glance up from her iPhone as she navigates the hallway. All to no avail. She tripped over the backup tight end and tumbled into the melee. She tore her ACL. She is out the rest of the year and has filed a claim for assault leave and damage to her iPhone. Mr. Paradiddle, our chemistry teacher, crashed into the scrum in his motorized wheelchair. He has filed suit for disability discrimination. The kid he ran over has filed a tort claim against the district for the negligent operation of a motor vehicle. Betsy Boopinski, a sophomore and wellknown “hottie,” was caught unawares in the middle of the flash mob. As everyone around her went down on one knee, she was left standing there like the candle on the birthday cake. That is, until she got pulled into the pile by some members of the offensive line. She claims those boys were doing things in that pile that were inconsistent with their professed Christian morals. She has filed a sexual harassment claim against the district. It took school administrators and teachers 45 minutes to get all the bodies, books, backpacks, flotsam and jetsam untangled and back to class. The principal called a student assembly the next day and made it clear that there will be no more Tebowing in this school. Now the local ministerial alliance is suing the school for infringing on the constitutional rights of the kids to practice their religion. But the ACLU also has sued, claiming that the school encouraged and supported an overtly Christian exercise in violation of the Establishment Clause. Tebow his own self is coming to town next week to speak at the athletic banquet, and the media is, to say the least, paying attention. The school attorney says that all these cases should be consolidated into one lawsuit to be titled: Downyshanks, Paradiddle, Boopinski, Christians and Atheists v. Blusterville ISD. He says the case has a good chance of keeping the school finance lawsuits off the front page for awhile. That’s why you need a school lawyer. JIM WALSH is editor in chief of Texas School Business. He is also a school attorney with the firm of Walsh, Anderson, Gallegos, Green and Treviño, P.C. He can be reached at jwalsh@wabsa.com.
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People sometimes wonder why school districts need lawyers. Ha! In response to that question, I encourage you to consider what happened in Blusterville ISD when a couple of football players decided to pay homage to their hero — Tim Tebow, quarterback for the Denver Broncos.